E for Empathize

Andrea had spent her whole life riding across the plains. Everyday, she would wake at the break of dawn, put on her breeches and go to the stables to let out her horse, Starfire. Everyday she would lead her horse out of the ranch and go round up the grazing horses in the fields. It was tiring work, but Andrea loved it. She loved anything she did, as long as she did it with Starfire. As a matter of fact, only if she did it with Starfire, she would do it. Otherwise,there was no point in asking her; Starfire was her body and soul. Starfire was her life.

Until Starfire died. Andrea had never imagined anything like that would ever happen in her life. She had always pictured herself and Starfire riding across the plains forever. She hadn't even believed it when it happened. She had thought it was a nightmare, a horrible nightmare. She had kept on trying to get out of it but it was impossible,since of course, it was actually happening. Starfire was gone. She was reminded of it wherever she went. 


At Mr.Smith's shop, she would gaze longingly at the horse-shoes displayed on the wall, wishing she could buy one.

"What's up, Andy? Do you want one for Star?" he would ask, ruffling her brown hair.
Andrea would usually just walk out, but one particular day,she stood her ground.

"Uh, Mr.Smith, Starfire passed away a few days back," she said loudly, trying to hold back tears.

"What?! When did that happen,sweetie? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked indignantly.

"It was the 17th. The funeral's scheduled to be on the 23rd," she said a little sheepishly, deciding to ignore the last question.

She knew already that the date would always cause her dreadful pangs of pain in her stomach. 

"17th of February, you mean? How did it happen?" he asked worriedly.

This was when she decided to walk out of the shop. It was like mental torture when she thought of it. Starfire had died of a disease called tetanus. It had all began when Starfire came back from her daily morning graze with a cut on her right hind leg. It was quite shallow, just a scratch, so nobody thought to clean it or bandage it. In fact, nobody had even noticed it. However, as the days progressed,she had begun to act a little strange. She had always had a slightly mental expression on her face and had perspired a lot. She had seemed to have a fever but it was nothing serious so nobody had worried. Until one night, she just passed away peacefully. 

On the morning of the funeral, she got up and stared at herself in the mirror beside her bed. She looked at a pair of dull, green eyes, framed by a mop of tangled brown hair and looked away in disgust. What had happened to that vibrant, young girl? How had she changed so much? Pulling a notebook out of her chest of drawers, she began to write.

23rd February,1984 Ever since Starfire's death, I have felt as if there is no happiness in my life. I mean, I don't have a soulmate to go riding with in the morning anymore! Sure, Mom and Dad say that I can have a new horse, but it won't be the same as STARFIRE. Will it? Anyways, I guess I don't really try anymore.  Like, try to have fun and stuff. But I honestly don't know WHY. Why am I feeling so sad? Mom always says that you can only feel what you WANT to feel. But I don't want to feel sad. So why am I?
It's because of the people feeling sad FOR me. I can literally feel their sadness, seeping into the nooks and crannies in my brain. They're trying to empathize, I guess. I can't really tell them not to. So maybe I should block them out. Stop feeling sad and have a positive attitude myself. Be the change, instead of waiting for people to change me. 

She closed her notebook, sighing a little bit in relief. Noting down her feelings always helped.